See the World Around You


Yesterday, I was walking to my car. I had to walk down a street, that on the weekends is pretty nonexistent of people (it's a large business park, so more hustle during the week). There was a couple walking their dog just a few steps behind me. And then an old man in ratty clothes a few steps ahead, standing to the side.

As I approached him, he reached out his hand and mumbled something.

Immediately I said, "I'm sorry, I don't have anything" and continued to look down at my phone and walk by.

The couple behind me slowed and engaged this man.
Listening to what he had to say, and providing him the directions that he was asking for.

Oh. Um.
He was looking for directions.
Not a hand out.
Yikes.

I missed it. I completely missed the mark.

I was judging this man by what he looks like.
By what he was wearing.
For the simple fact that I couldn't understand him.
He was, indeed, reaching out.
For help. But not the usual help.

What a humbling and sobering moment.

I don't know that man's story. I don't even really know if his clothes were that ratty.

But, in that moment, I saw what I wanted to see. I chose to not engage and missed the truth.

How so very sad.
And how quick we are to do that with... anyone. Or any situation.
We choose to see what we want to see, and are blinded by ourselves.
Blinded by our own mess.
Blinded by our phones.
Blinded by the rush to the next activity.
Blinded by pain.
Blinded by misconceptions.
Blinded by hatred.
Blinded by the busyness of life.

This blindness prevents us from seeing reality. From seeing truth.

If we can take the blinders off and look past what we think we know and understand and are cool with, what do you think we will see?

More beauty?
The human heart?
The raw pain?
The simplicity of a man asking for directions?
More love?
Pure joy?

I challenge you to look up from your phone, look people in the eye, remove your blinders and see.

See the the world around you.
It may surprise you.


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We wait...


It is quiet.
It is still.
Not many cars on the road.
The sun is behind the clouds.


We wait.
In the quiet of Holy Saturday.
Jesus is in the tomb.

I don't know about you guys, but my Triduum has been a bit rough. The last couple of days were just... crappy, to say the least. Not the whole of each day. There was some good, too, of course.

But, I can't help but think that the devil loves these few days, ya know? He comes in FULL force to remind us of all the lies and sin that we have worked SO hard to change and improve and rid ourselves of in the 40 days of Lent.

Jesus has died because of our sins.

And all of those sins and His death are locked in the tomb.
It's the perfect time for the devil to get us all riled up about how we haven't actually changed at all. That all the work and time and prayers we put into becoming new, were for nothing.

See, He is still in the tomb. He is dead because of you. There is no point in changing.

Thankfully... we are living 2000 years later.
We know that Easter comes.
We know that Jesus defies death.
We know that he rises, walks the Earth again, and meets up with God in Heaven.

This is the Truth.
Thank God for that!

He rises despite the fact that we are yet to be perfect.
He rises despite the fact that we still need to work on some things.
He rises despite the fact that we still struggle.

He died on the cross out of love for us.
And rises to remind us of His love for us.
That there is Hope.
There is Light.
It will come.
Always.

I pray that as you wait on this Holy Saturday, knowing that Jesus has died because of your sins-- you still have so much to change and work on and make new... you will remember that Hope does come. The tomb will be empty.
Jesus will rise.
And you have another chance to make yourself new.

I needed this reminder today. Maybe one of you did, too.

Have a Blessed and Happy Easter!

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Lent + Self-Care

I went for a walk this morning.

And it was wonderful.

I told myself when I went to bed last night that I would get up and walk. It's supposed to get cloudy and rainy, then be back to normal February weather tomorrow. I had to enjoy this "Spring in February" while it was still here. Be outside. Get some precious vitamin D.

And now I am enjoying my balcony. Letting the sun hit my face, as I sit here squinting and writing; listening to some 90s jams.
62* and sunny... glorious!!


And it all feels so good.

I think there may be a misconception that single people are so good at taking care of themselves because they have so much extra time to do so. Or there is some sort of expectation to do so.

And, yet.  I really suck at it.

The reality is... I work full time. I sit in almost 2 hours of traffic on any given day. I get to work early to *try* to get out at a decent time, but, how do we think that works out? I am exhausted when I get home. And when I am inside my cozy, little place... it takes A LOT for me to leave again. My weekends are usually filled with trying to sleep in, run errands, do laundry, etc. So much of that is just spent sitting, vegging, catching up on a show.

So much of my time when I am not at work is spent thinking about work and what is going on. What I need to do. What did I forget. How can I be better. When I move on from work, it's what I need to do around my house, laundry, do I have something to eat, when will I visit my grandparents, how am I going to schedule doctor appointments even though I work, what family haven't I caught up with lately, which friend do I need to reach out to, etc.

These days, it's more of just getting by and surviving. Ya know? All of these things are important and needed and good for me. I mean, adulting, right?

But, then the weather perks up and I go for a walk and feel the sun, I am reminded that doing something for myself- for me, for my health, for my sanity- is so very lacking in my life.

Just as you busy moms learn to take advantage of your 30 minutes while the kids are resting, I need to do the same thing. I have to learn how to use the time that I have and make it work for me.

It's really just the same thing.

Maximizing our time and making ourselves a priority. Taking care of ourselves, a little bit each day, will allow us to be better in our jobs, for our kids, for our families.

So, Lent is coming. Have you heard?! ;)

I had some plans... but I think that Lord is nudging me to make this a priority. To do something each day that is for myself.

That doesn't include the computer.
My phone.
TV.

I still think I need to ponder what that will look like for me. It could be a daily walk, making my way back up to running? Time in adoration? Take a class? Going to bed on time?

I sometimes get caught up in how I need to do all of these BIG and AMAZING things to take care of myself. There doesn't need to be a "wow" factor.
This is for me.
The simple, the better.

If you were going to focus on self-care for Lent, what things would you choose? What would that look like for you??

I hope and pray that this Lent is beautiful and fruitful for you!
Blessings and prayers,

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I'm doing it. Again.


Ok. I signed up for CatholicMatch again.

*eyeroll emoji*

Oy.

They sucked me in with their good deal for a year subscription. A YEAR. So, I guess I am committing to that again.

I know it sounds like I am doing this begrudgingly. And that I am not very excited.

It's just that. CM and I? We have a love/hate relationship. Most of my experience with it hasn't been all that great. And I have loooooooooots of years of trying it out. Lots. Is there a point that it gets embarrassing to admit?

Anyway.

Recently, I experienced the joy and beauty of getting to know someone, having them get to know me, being attracted (I mean really attracted) to someone, laughing, letting my guard down, and truly desiring the best for this person... it lit something inside me that I hadn't really experienced for a very long time (if ever). I learned a lot from this little moment in time. And I think I will be forever grateful for it.

The desire to experience that and have it be part of my life was lit.

Then the holidays happened. And I had a bit of a rough patch. And... I'm trying to climb back up.

Enter CM.
Again.

As I hit the submit button to pay for my subscription, I prayed that it would be a good experience this time. I asked the Lord that it would be ENcouraging instead of DIScouraging. That I will be open to whatever can happen.

I pray for my husband every night. Perhaps I have scrolled through his profile already. Or maybe he will sign up soon? Or maybe I will just meet him the good ol' fashioned way- at church, at a Catholic event, or the infinite options for IRL meetings.

This is just another step to make it possible for me to date. To get to know someone. To meet my husband.

As an aside. Not everyone has to try online dating. It's one of my BIGGEST pet peeves when people suggest online dating (when you are still single after all these years) is THE thing that will help with your singleness. That's just crazy. I know many people who have met their beloveds online. But, I also know many people like me who have been in the online dating world for so much of their adult life annnnnnd still single.

God has a plan. So long as we single people are fully and completely open to that plan, things will unfold as they are meant to. Including when and how we meet our spouse. Keep praying. Keep hoping. And keep doing what you need to do to put yourself out there.

Pray for me, ok?
Pray that CM and I can have an ok relationship this time around.
And that the Lord's will be done.

For fun... here are my previous online dating posts and tips. Because- GET IT TOGETHER DUDES! Write back. Ask to meet in person. Let's get this going.

Online Dating Tips I
Online Dating Tips II
Other musings

What are your thoughts about online dating?! Tried it and loved it? Tried it and hated it? Want to try it?


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Enough


Here I am. Sitting in my beloved yellow chair.

Getting ready for a new week, when I feel like the last week just flew and I have nothing to account for it.

I spent the majority of this last week going from work to the hospital to home. My grandmother was getting checked out for a little passing out episode. She finally made it home and I spent the weekend at my grandparents' house.

It's never easy to have a family member in the hospital (no matter how serious the situation is), and then being the medical person in the family always adds another layer of being "on."

Amongst all of that... I find myself wondering if I have done enough for my grandparents. For my family. Yes, I was present... but was I really giving of myself? Should I have been more compassionate and joyful?

The last few of my therapy sessions have been about the truth of me being good enough.
Me.
Just as I am.

It's a constant struggle for me. It's one thing to know I am good enough. But, it's another to believe I am good enough. To allow that truth to penetrate my thoughts and actions and whole life.

I have mentioned this many times throughout this blog... I am living a life that I didn't exactly think I would be living. Yet, this is the life that the Lord is calling me to live right now. Isn't that good enough? Isn't this life good enough?

See what's happening here? After a nudge from a friend (and the Holy Spirit), I have decided that this 32nd year of my life, I will focus on the concept of "enough." In all aspects of my life. I have never been a word for person- ya know, those people that feel a pull towards a word and it becomes their theme for the year- but, there is no denying that I must work on this.

Believing that I am enough.
That I am doing enough (for me, for others, for work, etc).
That the Lord's will is enough for me.

I am hopeful that I am retrain my thoughts and feelings so that it's easy to see and believe this Truth.

Are you a word person?
How do you retrain your thoughts?


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