After talking to my parents this evening (different conversations, at different times), I am so thankful for the amazing parents that they are. I could go on and on and on but I think you would get bored AND that would sway from this here post. I was talking about the "woes" of my job (in quotes, b/c are they really woes? Probably not) and my vocation (this word, however, was actually never uttered); the convos went a little something like this:
Dad: So, I have a question for you.
Me (a little tense, 'cause you never know where that is going): Oookayyy...
Dad: WHAT does Jen <last name> want to do?
Me: Well, Dad... THAT is the million dollar question. But, you know what I really want to do- now, you will laugh and think I am crazy- I want to get married, have babes and raise a family! That is what I want to do, and that is why it makes everything else seem so unappealing.
Dad (laughs): Jen, that is not crazy....
Mom: Jen, I just want to throw this out there.
Mom: Have you thought that maybe being married and having babies is not what you are supposed to be doing? I mean, do you really know?
Me: ... well, mom, I am pretty confident that I am supposed to be married. I have prayed about it and really feel that God is calling me to be married. I have been open to religious life and even staying single. I know I talk about feeling restless and worried that I won't get married, but when I really sit down and pray and talk about it and think about what my future *might* look like, I have such a sense of peace. I getting excited and my heart wants to burst. I trust that it will happen. I really, really do.
Mom (letting out her breath, thanking God that I want to get married!): Ok, well, that is a good thing. I'm glad you have some peace.
I just love my parents. I am sure they wonder sometimes how the heck they raised their daughter to be such a religious, Jesus freak (if you will). They don't always understand why some things are more important to me than others, or why I choose to live my life a little differently than other 28 year olds out there, but they just accept me for me. For my dad to say it's "not crazy" to want to be married and have kids and my mom to be a bit more bold and ask if getting married is what I was really supposed to do... it's amazing. I feel so loved by them. They know that these things respectively are important to me, and therefore are important for them to take note. My mom really must have been holding her breath when she asked me about my calling. She has only ever seen her daughter's future as being married, so for her to ask about something else.... it's huge. And, it means so much to me that she stepped outside of herself and her ideas for me to really, truly ask the deeper questions about my vocation.
I am so blessed.
Both of these conversations were really uplifting for me. God is so good like that, don't you think? I feel like I have talked the ear off to anyone who will listen to me anymore about my uncertainties about my current job, why I feel the way I do, and where it stems from. I know it's annoying. I know it's not fun. But, today, I didn't feel drained and down and upset like I have in the past when talking about it (although, I can't really speak for my mom and dad!). I was encouraged. I really felt loved and supported by my parents (which, I mean... I always am, just in a little different way today!). And, I am more excited for my future.
Yes, I still want this vocation thing to happen sooner rather than later. I want to have a job that I love. But, in the mean time, I am going to continue to pray, read, learn, prepare and meet new people to get closer to that time when God will make it all happen.
Continue to prepare my heart, oh Lord, for your will in my life. I pray for my parents, family, friends and my husband, where ever he may be.