Marriage is hard (so says the single lady!)

<Disclaimer: I woke up having these thoughts after 3 hours of sleep, after a night shift... so, now I am going to try and make this into a blog post.  No guarantees of a superb outcome!>

Have you seen the tv show Smash?
(It's basically a show about putting on a hit Broadway show, which happens to be about Marilyn Monroe.  It's pretty good, although I liked the first season better... lots of singing, dancing and drama.)

  Oh... and lots of sex.

Surprisingly it's not all from the Marilyn Monroe theme.
Just your run-of-the-mill sex-infused-drama with practically every character.
(Why am I watching this, again?)

Anyway... one of the main characters is a married couple, where the wife had an affair years ago that crept back into current life (things like that do tend to be a poison within marriage if not taken care of) where she finally had to come clean.  Not without doing it all over again, with the same guy, mind you.  Obviously the husband was devastated.  

BUT... they seemed to be working it out.  Seeing a counselor, taking time apart, the wife really saw the wrong she did and was truly sorry.

Then... the husband had an affair, too.  She confronted him, in private, but he.went. BALLISTIC (for the dramatic flair of course it was at a fancy schmancy party in front of important people in the bizz).

He got caught.  He was still angry about her affair.  He was drinking.  He didn't want to to hear anything else his wife had to say.

And that was it.  The marriage is over.
(At least for now... who knows what the future holds in tv)

And you know what all this made me feel?
Anger.
Towards the husband.
It's not ok for your wife to have an affair, but she should be ok if you have an affair?
Dumb.

Yes, I realize he was not over the hurt and betrayal... but, he didn't respect his marriage either.

And it made me sad.
Yet again, marriage is deemed something that can be easily thrown away.
It's frustrating.  Why can't there be MORE talk about the crap that people go through in their marriages and them actually staying married?

I know I am not married, and I have no idea how I would react if I was in that situation, God-forbid, but I do hold marriage to a high standard.  It's not just a piece of paper in which you can throw away when you don't want to deal with it anymore.

It's so much more than that.
It's a sacrament.  God is in it with you.
It's hard work.  It's a vocation.
And it's beautiful.

So all this had me thinking (even more...), why DON'T we talk about the crap more often?  I don't mean, "let's thrown everyone's dirty laundry out" and what not.  But, why don't we hear more about the dirty, messy, rough points of marriage... and how, through patience, perseverance, respect for marriage and God's grace, couple's got through it?  

I find it to be inspiring.
Encouraging.

I know someone personally (and I didn't ask if I could write about it, so I won't be specific) that went through the wringer.  Her marriage was on the fringe, but they made it through.  They are doing wonderfully today!  She will, hands down, give all the credit to Jesus and His grace, strength and mercy.  She and her hubby should seriously give talks.  People would listen to them!

As someone who feels marriage is her calling, I want to know these things.
I want to know that when things get rough, there are other people willing to talk about it.
I don't want to feel alone in my battle.
I want to know that others fight for their marriage, like I will always fight for mine.

"At a time when 50 percent of marriages in many places end in divorce, every marriage that lasts is a great sign- ultimately a sign for God.  On this earth, where so much is relative, people ought to believe in God, who alone is absolute.  That is why everything that is not relative is so important: someone who speaks the truth absolutely or is absolutely loyal.  Absolute fidelity in marriage is not so much a human achievement as it is a testimony to the faithfulness of God, who is there even when we betray or forget him in so many ways.  To be married in the Church means to rely more on God's help than on one's own resources of love."  ~YouCat, #263, page 151 

6 comments :

  1. Have you heard of Cathsorority? It is a facebook group (also on Twitter) of faithful, Catholic women. We talk about all kinds of things there, but the nitty gritty of marriage is definitely discussed often, and of course from the Catholic perspective of keeping the marriage in tact even during really tough situations. You are welcome to join if interested!

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  2. And I also meant to say that I think people (myself included) find it harder to write about specific struggles in marriage on blogs because they are SO public. That's part of why I enjoy having a private group of women to discuss it with... I wish I was bold enough to blog about some of the tougher things, though!

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    1. I have heard of Cathsorority. I thought it was just a hashtag thing on Twitter! :)

      I guess I wasn't very clear in my post, but I am not necessarily talking about the specific details of a couple's marriage. Those are private, and I would never want anyone to expose those online. I was really referring to those who were/are so close to divorce, but have worked hard and got through it. To prove that people don't just get divorced when things are horrible... that marriage does mean something. :) Rest assured, I wasn't asking people to tell me how they deal with X, Y and Z right now.

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    2. No, no, no, I understood! I'm just saying there is some of that there... marriages on the brink (or that were on the brink) and we pray like crazy for each other. And not that we at all enjoy seeing the sad/crappy stuff, it's nice to see marriages pull through some really awful circumstances you know? You're right, we don't hear those stories in day to day life like we do the break up/divorce stories.

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  3. I agree with Stacy. No one can talk about what you go through in marriage because it's not just your story...it's you and your spouse. So while you might feel comfortable, your spouse might not. There is a bond between husband and wife that is somehow violated when certain things are made public. They can only be talked about years later, in retrospect...

    Even knowing all this, I still agree. I would love to hear more about what women face with their husbands and how they dealt with it, in a Godly way. Oh well. :)

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    1. Right... as I was saying to Stacy, I wasn't meaning the details of a couple's marriage. I was really talking about people who are so close to divorce, separated even... and then they make it work. I feel like no one talks about it! It's inspiring to know that people to fight for their marriages... not just give in to what our culture says is ok and get divorced.

      I guess I wasn't very clear in my post.

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