11 March 2014

NAS: Why Not Both? (I forget why we called it that!)

Hello! Happy Tuesday! First, I have to apologize for not being around last week. As I mentioned in my 7QTs last Saturday,  I feel like I have lost my voice around here lately. So, I just needed some time away. I did miss you all, though, be assured of that! :)  And, thank you to Morgan for picking up the slack!

We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people 
can't relate to one another." What is your perspective on this? 
In what way can we bridge the gap between singles and marrieds?
(Singles and marrieds perspectives welcome, of course!)
Alrighty. Today we are tackling that whole "married people and single people can't relate to one another" thing. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Whether you are single and have heard a friend who is married say they don't know how to relate to you anymore, or are married and a single friend disregards you because you "won't get it." Either way... it's not fun.  It hurts.  Especially if they are close friends. I am just going to make a blanket statement and say, it's not true! It doesn't have to be this way!

It doesn't!

First... we are women. The beloved children of God. That in and of itself covers A LOT of ground on ways we can relate.  Our femininity, beauty, how we relate to others and our faith have absolutely nothing to do with our state in life.  We may show, express or even do these things differently, but no matter if we are a single college student, have been married for years and years, have 10 kids, have no kids, have been divorced, or are wearing a habit, we are all God's beloved daughters. It's an inherent part of who we are. We all long to be loved and desired. And we all have that in common.

With that being said... it's so frustrating and so sad that so many of us (both single and married) don't feel like we can relate to one another! Didn't I just point out so many things that we DO have in common and we CAN relate on?!

When one of my closest friends who had been married for a bit and maybe had her first babe told me that she couldn't relate to me anymore, it stung. And I was hurt. This was one of my best friends! We had been through so much together! Now that she was married and living life differently, we had nothing in common anymore?!

After I thought about it and prayed more... I tried to see where she was coming from. Yes, it is hard on a day-to-day basis to relate to my married/mom friends. We can't always talk when we want. We can't always go out for a spontaneous evening. But, the same could be said for anyone. We are a busy generation. No matter if you are single or married. We have work and church commitments and volunteer things and and and.  It's not always easy to just do all the things we want to. Priorities change. It's part of life.

And I will admit, it IS hard sometimes to be the one that has to work around the schedule of my married/mom friends. I am the one who has the more flexible time. I get it. And really, it's fine for the most part. I want to see my friends... I want to talk to them... I want to be part of their lives. I want THEM to be part of mine.  Right now, it's a sacrifice that I am willing (sometimes slightly begrudgingly... only slightly. And only sometimes!) make.  Because, like we say all the time, who knows when I will have this chance again?

So what can we do to bridge the gap? Make the effort to talk. We have already established that we have a lot in common already. Add to that, we (most likely) have been friends for a while. We should have pleeeenty to relate to! Personally, I want to know what's going on with you (married/mom friends). I want to know when you are happy and sad and frustrated. I want to know what awesome new accomplishment your kiddo made! I want to know what cute and romantic thing your hubby did for you! You are my friend, and I still care about you.

As for me. Continue to love me just as I am. Don't tiptoe around talking about vocations and marriage and whatnot. I don't have a disease because I am still single! Those are the things that are on my heart! It's part of who I am right now. Acknowledge it. Listen to me. Give some advice when I ask for it. And maybe remember that time long ago before you were married, and how you felt. Even if it was just for a little bit, you were in my shoes at some point. It's not always the fun and games as you might think. I do desire, deep down,  and long for what you have. To be living out my vocation fully and completely.

I am not sure I offered much advice for either party here, but I really feel it has a lot to with effort. The singles and the marrieds need to make the effort to know what is going on in each other's lives. The more we ask, the more we know, and the more we can love and be compassionate towards one another!

Have something to say about this?! Linkup below! I would LOVE to hear from some married ladies on this topic! Don't be scurrrrred!

Next Week!
Single Life Bucket List
What are those things that you want to do before you get married (or enter the religious life)? Is there anything that you are excited to do, accomplish, etc before engagement, marriage and babies come along? Even if you feel that you've done everything you wanted to do pre-marriage, dig deeper and see if there isn't anything you'd like to do!

2 comments:

  1. Welcome back, Jen! We've missed you! :) I completely agree: effort, effort, effort. Circumstances may change, but bonds shouldn't.

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  2. Hi Jen! This is Elissa, don't know if you remember me from our MU, South Carolina ASB trip days... anyway GREAT post! Janelle very kindly sent me the link. Janelle and I have been through this same friendship transformation, but we came through it beautifully (she agrees which is why she sent me the post!) You are so right, despite life circumstances, we have so many things in common. At the very core of us, we share the same struggles, they just manifest themselves in different circumstances. And like you said in your post, it is important to be intentional. I had seen many friendships 'break-up', due to life changes. Before I got married, I actually made a conscious decision that I would not let this happen to my friendships, and I am so glad I did!! Thanks for a great post : )

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