Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers.

We have all thought about our list of qualities for our future spouse (and maybe even religious community), but sometimes those can be pretty limiting on who God has planned for you. Instead, maybe think about the few things that are so important to you, that if a guy you were considering dating (or community you were entering) didn't have those things, you would have to move on. Why are those things important to you? 

When I was in college, post re-version, sitting with my girlfriends, one of the obvious deal breakers for any potential guy that we would date, thus, marry, would be: he has to be Catholic.

I mean, that makes sense, right? If you have ever read this blog, you know how important my faith is to me. I don't just love Jesus... I believe in and love the one, holy, catholic, apostolic Church that He gave us.  So, it would seem obvious that I would want my spouse to share in and love those things, too.

But - there is always a but - can I just cut off the millions of single men in this world just because they aren't Catholic?  I am not sure I have really made up my mind, fully.  I am going to talk about some things here, and then you let me know what you think.  The topic this week (and every week) is to create conversation.... I am not saying there is a right or wrong. I am just typing out what has been in my head, thinking out loud, if you will. :)

My first inclination is to always want to date/marry a Catholic guy. It's what I am comfortable with. Someone who loves the Church, believes in Her teachings, attends Mass, etc is someone who I will already have a TON in common with.  But, I can't help but think that I am limiting God in some way if I say that I will only marry a Catholic guy.

God is an amazing God. He knows what's on my heart. He knows what's important to me, even things that I may not even know yet. He has created some amazing men out there.  And, He also knows that if I were to marry a non-Catholic dude, that guy would have to be supportive. He would not patronize my faith. He would, at least, have to love Jesus. I mean, that right there is a deal breaker in and of itself. I mean, marriage is hard. Why would I want to make it harder and marry someone that doesn't even believe in Jesus, our Savior?

I guess that's the thing... marriage will be hard. There is no question about that. I will be asking my future husband to love all of me, I will be asked to love all of him.  Imperfections and all. We are human... and we sin. But marriage calls us to love even through our sinfulness.  That is something that my husband will have to understand. It will be a choice to love each other everyday. And when things get hard, he will not be able to "throw in the towel," for a lack of a better phrase. He will have to understand the permanence of marriage... because, as far as I am concerned, divorce isn't really an option.  Oh! And kids! That to get married, two become one... and that usually results in a babe. Or 12. ;)

So, who can fill all of those things?? The single Catholic guys?? Well, some of them... but most definitely not all of them.  We all know, not everyone agrees with all the teachings of the church or loves the Church like I do.  There are many non-Catholic Christians who believe as the Church does on many things, so would it be prudent of me to just discount all of them?  Probably not.

A good friend from college, who is a wonderfully, devout Catholic women, has been dating (and will most likely marry) a non-Catholic guy. This blew my mind! I just never thought that this particular friend would be the one to marry someone who wasn't Catholic! It was so interesting to talk to her about it. She is still so in love with the Church, and he allows her to live out her faith, just as she always has. It really got me thinking about what is important to me. Could I really date/marry a non-Catholic guy? Is that what God is calling me to do?

It would then come into play the role of the sacramental life (ya know, sharing the Eucharist, confession, etc together) within a marriage. Some stand by that 100%. Some don't think it's absolutely necessary. There are plenty of wonderful non-Catholic marriages in this world, that would prove a sacramental life isn't necessary. But, is it to me? That is the question. And, again... my first response is this: duh. Obviously.

And so we start back at the beginning. It would seem at first glance that I have made up my mind. A deal breaker would have be: not being Catholic.  But, there is still that but...

And I don't really know where to go from here. :)

Lest you think I only think of the serious things... other deal breakers include: wanting me to massage feet, doesn't like to laugh, no ability to dance, snores or chews with mouth open. Annnnd I'm only kidding. ... or am I? ;)

What about you?! Tell us and link up below!

Next Week!
Beginning of the Year Goals + Lent!
Remember our first post this year? How are the goals you set going? Regardless of how your goals are going, how are you utilizing this Lent to continue to strive for those goals?

April 8
Do's and Don'ts of First Dates
What are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

April 15
Selfish Singles
How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" your time with others?

April 22
Most of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)

Have you joined our Facebook group???


  1. I have gone through this exact same progression--like hmm, well, he wouldn't HAVE to be Catholic because really non-Catholics can be really on fire for our Lord and have great marriages...then I really think about it and I'm like...wait. We'll never experience taking our whole family to Mass together? He won't receive the Eucharist with me on Sundays? He won't be able to experience the wonderful grace that comes with a sacrament like confession? He won't totally nerd out with me over the Pope and the saints and all the great Catholic resources out there??

    And THEN I feel like I'm back to square one too.

    xoxo, Charity

    1. hahah. yes. I feel like you were in my head!

  2. Awesome jumping bored for discussion. I would only date a Catholic guy unless the Lord showed me otherwise. I think it is the sacramental life that really gets me. If the Eucharist is what gives me life and is me encountering my savior I am not sure if I could be one flesh with a guy who didn't also encounter Christ in the Eucharist. But I trust the Lord to work in the craziest of situations.

    1. Mmmm. yea. He can and does work in the craziest of situations. And, knows what's on our hearts.

  3. There have been soooo many women saints who were married to non-Catholics or even non-Christians!

    1. There have also been a lot of saints who used to be really heinous sinners. Doesn't mean we should start sinning like they did.

      God asks different things of each person. Some of us may be called to marry Catholic men.

    2. Wow. So, are you drawing a parallel between marrying a non-Catholic and living a sinful life? Perhaps that wasn't your intention, but the structure of your response sure implies it.

      I agree that God asks different things of each person. Some women are called to marry non-Catholics.

    3. Yes! There have been Saints who were married to non-Catholics/non-Christians, but that doesn't mean we are all called to do that. And it doesn't make someone a bad person or bad Catholic for doing so. I just don't think I am a called to marry a non-Catholic, and there is nothing wrong with that either! :)

      And, I am pretty sure that's not what Martha was doing. But, I can't really speak for her!


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