NAS: First Date Dos & Don'ts

Before we begin... I just wanted to give a little love to Cindy over at The Veil of Chastity. Do you know her? Well, if you don't, she is awesome. She has a love and special place for us single ladies, as she was single until her mid-thirties, I believe (correct me if I am wrong, Cindy!). She writes about anything and everything involving singlehood, chastity, dating, authentic love, etc all from a Catholic perspective. It's pretty great. AND! She has been such a wonderful support and encouragement for the Not Alone Series. I am pretty sure she reads every single post every single week. Seriously, she is amazing. She really does care and pray for all of us. So! Please check her out and send some love her way. Mmmmkay?? Mmkay.

Ooooook. So, obviously I wasn't around last week. It was a bit of a crazy week. I had full intentions of writing, and then, well... didn't. I even started, but only got one line in. So, I have since changed it to this week's post! :)

What are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

Oh, first dates. Does anyone really just love them?? I mean, I am not a huge fan. Now, granted I haven't been on a whole slew of them or anything, but... overall, I am usually a nervous wreck. For no reason, because they usually end up just fine. 

Anyway... looking back on the few that I have had, there are some things that I wish I did or did more of, and things that I wish I didn't. So, here is my list of First Date Dos and Don'ts.

DO:
Wear something that you are comfortable in.
(This is obvious, right? No sense in being nervous, awkward AND tugging at your uncomfortable duds all night!)
Let him plan as much as possible.
(Hopefully he will take charge of this! But, giving a few suggestions isn't a bad idea, if he really is struggling)
Go somewhere that is conducive for having a conversation.
(Again... this is obvious. The whole point of the date is to see if you are compatible! Watching a movie in silence does not make that possible.)
Ask him questions.
(Because everyone can talk about themselves, plus it shows that you are interested!)
Come up with questions to ask for those awkward silences. 
(I always have 3 or 4 open ended back up questions to ask, just in case there is a lull in convo, or if it's not going very well.)
Set a time limit.
(This is just a good idea. If it's at night, no unnecessary temptations, but, also, just to create boundaries from the get-go. Oh and if it's not going too well, you only have to endure it for a certain amount of time!) 
Have a plan of attack if the date is going downhill... fast.
(If he is horribly rude, you are uncomfortable, etc. have some sort of plan where you can leave. Maybe that's having a friend on standby to get you if needed, or to come up with an "emergency." Those situations are usually rare, but it never hurts to be prepared so that you don't get hurt or put yourself in danger.)
Tell someone where you will be and when you will be home.
(Similar to above, it's just better to be safe. Always tell a friend, mom, family member your plans so that if something does go wrong, someone knows the deal.)
Less worrying.
(Inevitably the date will be nice, it may not be TOTALLY AMAZING, but you will have a nice time. So, just stop worrying and enjoy it!!)

DON'T:
Tell everyone you know about it.
(This just guards your heart, really. The less people you tell, the less people you have to talk about it -and rehash it- if the date doesn't go all that well.)
Shoot down his very enthusiastic idea for the date JUST because it's out of your comfort zone.
(I may have done this... and it was stupid. I should have sucked it up and went with HIS idea. It wasn't a bad one, it's just one that I didn't think would be fun for me. Poor choice, really. Needless to say, after our date of doing something else, nothing ever happened.)
Talk about yourself all.of.the.time.
(I meeeeean... do I have to explain this one?!)
Make it a marathon date.
(This goes with the setting a time limit under the "Dos". If things are going well, let it end well, and plan for the next one!)
Drink too much.
(I just wanted to throw this in there because, well... you just never know.)
Get sick.
(If you can help it, that is. And I mean, like a fever/cold/flu sick... if you were curious)

I know there are a lot more! What do you have on your list? What have you learned from past experiences?! Link up below!



Next Week!
Selfish Singles
How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" your time with others?

April 22
Marriage
Most of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)


Have you joined our Facebook group???

9 comments :

  1. Jen, I really like your first don't. While I really wanted to sing from the rooftops that a gentleman had expressed interest in me, after the date and subsequent lack of more dates, I was SO glad I hadn't.
    Thanks for hosting this link-up. Today I really, really needed this :)

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  2. You are so sweet, Jen! Thank you! Yes, I do read all the NAS posts. Seriously, you girls have become like the daughters I never had. Gregg and I talk about the latest 'goings on' over lunch and pray for each of you. The Lord has blessed me abundantly with this little ministry. All the glory to Him. Thank you again for the love, Cindy

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    1. Having you say all of this makes me so happy, Cindy! Jen and I were talking the other day about how we hope that someday we can be a mentor and source of support to young women like you are to us! Thank you for your prayers, love, and encouragement! We love you so much!!!

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    2. Thank you, Morgan! I can see you both continuing in your ministry to women! Love to all, Cindy

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    3. This makes me so happy Cindy. So many older people don't get what it's like to be single and I really love your blog and the support you give to us. :)

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    4. Thank you, Beth Ann! Love to you, Cindy

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  3. Fun post, Jen!! When I read the "Have a plan of attack" one, I thought of a time when I had set an alarm on my phone...basically, the date was going downhill real fast, and when my alarm went off I pretended that it was actually my phone ringing, so I fake talked...you get the picture :) lol. Anyways, these were all great reminders!!! :)

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    Replies
    1. bahahahah!! :) That is hilarious! And awesome.

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  4. I laughed at the don't get sick, it wasn't a date but once I got so excited for something counting down the days everything and then I got sick a couple days before. I cried and begged my mother to still let me go but I really was in no shape.

    Love the idea of setting a time limit.

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