I made it.
I MADE IT!!!!
There were many, MANY a moments when I didn't think I was going to get to Friday. The week was nuts. crazy. busy. INSANE.
I began working a few weeks after school started last year, so I missed all of this crazy. And, really... I wish I could start a few weeks after everyone else ALL the time. That would be great. I have such a new perspective on all of my teachers/principals/administrators/everyone else I had growing up. I mean, to endure this crazy on purpose year after year after year? Props to you all. Mad props.
Thank you to all of my teachers for working so hard and pushing through. Thank you for doing your best when so many people/situations made you feel like you weren't.
Because I now understand. I know how you feel.
I am trying to tackle all of my "tasks"- immunization compliance, diabetic trainings, entering medications into the EMR, following up on that kid's allergy and that other one's rare condition, etc, etc - I am being interrupted, what feels like 50 times a minute, to calm a parent down because their child has XYZ and they have never been in school before, get more information for a teacher, call a parent about the documentation for their Epipen, setting up a meeting about that one kid, etc.
Holy moly. So many things. It never ends. It just stops at 3pm and starts up again at 7:30 the next morning.
The thing is though... the teachers, while they have their never ending list of things to do, they get to be with the kids. They get to hang out and do what they love to do.
My days... are not filled hanging out with the kids like you would imagine. Oh yes... I see them (mostly due to the fact that my desk is in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the clinic), but I don't really get to care for them as I would hope. As you can tell from the above, I have a lot of things going on. It makes this a tough gig to not work with kids as much as I want/need to. Soon, I hope, I will be able to help out more in the clinic, but right now... I just can't.
Which is why things seem so unbearable sometimes. I became a nurse TO WORK WITH KIDS. And now I am doing something that, while so important, doesn't allow me to have the same interaction as I would in the hospital. So, when I am more than frustrated and upset about my lack of compassion and sick of looking at the computer... I wonder how different things would be if I could actually hang out with the kids more? Maybe it wouldn't change anything.
All I know is this: I am here, and God is using this time. I don't think I will be doing this forever, but this is my now. And, well, I've just got to embrace it the best way I can. I have challenged myself to focus on the good each day, instead of the challenging and frustrating. And all the things that I can't do. ... boy, that's HARD for me.
But, I still have many, many weeks to get better. :) God's got my back. And I am so thankful for the job that I have. The kids I do know well. The people that I work with. And all of the many things I am learning about myself and what kind of nurse I want to be.
And, really, what more can I ask for at this moment?!