A little over a year ago, I made a phone call.
A phone call that would change my life.
I reached out to a therapist.
Yep. A therapist. *gasp*
You guys, perhaps you remember... I was not in a good place. I was on a seriously large struggle bus, for a long time, and I didn't know how to get off of it. Dare, I say... I was depressed.
What I realized in 2014 is this: God took care of me in a way that I wasn't really expecting. He put people in my life when I needed them to be there. To help me. To love me. To remind me of His goodness.
One of those people is my therapist.
Thank you, Jesus, for that man. God bless him. Seriously.
I've been working with him for the last year... and I am in a COMPLETELY different place. It's seriously amazing. It has not been an easy road... nor do I look back fondly on all of the conversations. It's hard to let go, to talk about things that you've never talked about before, face your insecurities and doubts head on and cry. A lot.
But, I have learned so much. I have grown so much.
And, I want to remind myself (and you!) that it's ok to talk to a therapist.
There have been many, many times throughout the last year that I have really beaten myself up for talking to Dr. P, and wondered if I really am crazy. What 29/30 year old still has all of these issues? Who is going to love me once they know that I have all of this baggage? Perhaps these incoherent, stringed together words are a sign there is something really wrong with me! Who holds on to things that happened when they were so young?
Things like that. Things that satan is trying to twist to make me feel like I am so wounded and so broken that nothing/no one will be able to help me. It's a lie. A complete and total lie.
Many times I have to keep repeating that to myself, especially after the sessions when it was really hard. Where there was lots of crying. And even more questions. I am enough. Nothing is too big or too deep that the grace of God can't heal and make new.
I am sharing this to help wash away the stigma that therapy is only for crazy people. I mean, we all have a little crazy in us (!), but just because we seek counseling doesn't mean we are weird or worthless or less than. We all desire to be the best person God called us to be and that may require some outside help. The reality is this: life is hard, sometimes, and we all have wounds. There are times when we have to open up those wounds so they can heal properly. To talk about the areas of our lives that we choose not to share. To learn more about ourselves in a way that is constructive, intentional and healthy. God has called many people to help us do just that.
If you are feeling like you need to speak to someone, please do. Pray about it. Talk to your parish priest. Your spiritual director. A close friend. Anyone that you can trust who will encourage you to talk to someone. If you don't have someone, email me. :)
Will you continue to pray for me?! I'll be praying for you.
Here are some resources that may help you find someone: