I was emailing with a guy for a while, which turned into phone calls and a video chat.
And then... nothing. No call. No text. No email. Nothing.
Which was surprising, particularly because this guy was very purposeful, very confident in who he is and what he is looking for. For him to leave things hanging... I mean, come ON! If you aren't interested (which was very obvious due to the aforementioned lack of contact), then just say so. Get to the point so we both can end things and move on.
Instead, I emailed and let him know that it was clear things weren't going any farther.
He wrote back a very nonchalant email with no regards or apology for leaving me hanging.
And it stung.
This post is not about what he should or shouldn't have done -- although for the record, guys, MAN UP and tell the girl you aren't interested. It's fair and respectful to do so. And appreciated, really-- no. This post is more about the feelings and emotions this has stirred up in me.
This has happened to me many times before. It's never fun, but some of the times were easier than others. This time... it has affected me way more. Perhaps because it's happened so many times, it finally hit me. Perhaps because I was disappointed in his response, given previous behavior which led me to believe he was a stand up guy. Perhaps because I was reminded again that I don't have a guy who is willing to fight for me.
And we all want that guy.
The doubt began to creep in. So many things rolling around in my head. I will never have that. Of course no one wants to fight for me. I'm too emotional. I am not outgoing enough. I am not Catholic enough, or I'm too Catholic. I'm not fit enough.
It's just so silly, isn't it? Thankfully these days are far less than they used to be. But, they still happen. These are lies. Satan sneaks his way into something that he knows can have an affect on me, and BOOM!
But the truth is...
All of me.
Every fiber of my being. Every feeling. Every scar. Every belly laugh. Every freckle. Every pimple. Every worry. Every doubt. Every awesome day. Every horrible one. The love I have to give. The heart that I wear on my sleeve. My family. My friends.
Every part of who I am is completely and totally enough.
That is the Truth. There are no ifs, ands or buts about that.
I am enough because I am human. I am enough because I was created out of love. I am enough because I am worth more than this earthly world. I am enough because... I am me.
There is so much beauty and peace that comes with that, ya know? It makes me feel a bit empowered... I want to scream, "screw you, people! I AM AWESOME! And, what are you gonna do about it?!"
So, to all of you ladies (and men?) who may be having some similar doubts (with guys, a job, a big decision, etc)...
YOU are enough.
Breathe that in. Own it. Believe it.
Blessings and hugs,