Change

Oh hey there! :) There are some things I would LOVE to share with you, buuuuuut I can't quiiiiite yet. It's killing me a little bit.

But, perhaps that suspense will keep you coming around. ;)

Since I am pretty much an open book here in this corner of the interwebs (I wonder if I will always be like that?!), I thought I'd tell you about how God has been working overtime on my heart recently. Ready?!

When I was in my early 20s... I had a good life, ya know? Got through college. Landed my first nursing job at one of the best pediatric hospitals in the country. Lived close to a bustling city. Traveled all over the world. Went to church. Loved Jesus the best way I could. Helped out with CCD. Good, good stuff.

Yet... I still didn't feel like I was enough. I didn't see my potential. I couldn't. I didn't know what I was capable of. Ummm, perhaps I was actually depressed.  I didn't see my purpose. I didn't know that a full, purposeful life was possible for me.

Sure, people told me that I was enough and that I had the potential to do anything in the world. But, I just couldn't see that for myself. I had no idea what that even looked like. I always thought it was possible for other people... they can feel good about life... but that wasn't for me.

Sad, right?! I knoooow.

Serving in/moving to Honduras. I went with the best of intentions. Not realizing it, I was searching for that meaning in life, that purpose, that potential. But was surprised when the actual going to Honduras didn't change much of anything for me. It was more of an inside job, I found out later.

Moving to FL. I didn't really know what to expect. I was open to it. Excited for it. It is here that my heart actually began to be open. It is here where things really began to change for me.

And then I started therapy. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn't know what else to do. Actually, I didn't even think much would happen with therapy. I didn't have high hopes. Remember, I was in this place where I just couldn't see past where I was or who I could be. I was stuck. Going through therapy was not always great- um, really it sucked a lot of the time. Learning about yourself. Digging into the depths of your heart and soul to clean them out so they could heal. That's hard. It's painful. It makes you cry and question and want to run. But, you keep going. You push through. You learn who you really are. That you are made for more. And one day realize, therapy is the best thing in the world.

And today... I feel like I have woken up from a dream. I'm not sure exactly how or when. But, I can see my life clearly now. I am enough. I see my potential. I see my purpose and who I was created to be. I am at peace.

I have changed.

I am changed.

There really is more to life. :)

This is such an incredible feeling. And incredible gift I have been given. Yes, my life, but to see and know that my life is worth it. I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND TELL THE WORLD!

Thanks be to God for this time. For this transformation. For the adventures that lie ahead. For my family and friends for loving and supporting me. For this blog and all of YOU who have been there praying for me. For this community. For the many times I have felt alone... I never was, and I am so thankful for that.

For those of you that may be feeling stuck and are unable to see how your life can be full, purposeful and awesome, please believe me when I say it IS possible for you. I am praying for you. Keep pushing yourself. Digging deep to heal. To learn who and what you were created for.

I can't promise perfection on this Earth. A struggle-free, pain-free, worry-free existence.

But, see... life is more than worry, doubt and pain. A life full of peace, joy and purpose is completely possible for you. It really and truly is.

I am still in complete awe that I can write all that out and believe (100%, no doubt) that it's true. Because I didn't believe it for most of my life, and now I do. It's just amazing.

Hugs and blessings,
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3 comments :

  1. Jen, I'm SO happy for you! Praise God for working in your life, and good job to you for keeping on in the trenches. Therapy really is fantastic, and there's nothing like the revelation that we are loved and we have purpose and that LIFE CAN BE AWESOME!! Hugs!

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  2. Yay, Jen! These God moments are just the bomb :-) Thanks for sharing parts of your journey with us, and allowing us to be there with you in spirit. This is such a wonderful reflection!

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