Being sad AND excited.


Man.

The last 10 days are a blur.
I left FL. I arrived in NoVA. I am currently at my Grammy's house.

How can I be both SO sad and SO excited?!

How?

There are moments of great sadness that wells up inside of me when I think about the fact that I am not in Florida anymore. So much so, there is this little part of me that just wants to hit the pause button and reverse back to my old life.

Pronto.



I miss Publix.
I miss my little house.
I miss the life that became so comfortable.
I miss my people.
I miss my friends.
I miss my sweet goddaughter... it hurts. And causes instantaneous tears. (Yes, tears. Right now.)





Saying goodbye to that place and those people. It was not easy. I know, I know... it's not really goodbye. Because I will see them all again so soon. But, in a large sense... it is a permanent goodbye. A goodbye to a life that transformed me. A goodbye to seeing the people that I love so much. Goodbye to being so intimately involved with my favorite little family. Goodbye to that love, that comfort, that hope... from all of the people that touched my heart.

It's a hard goodbye to swallow.

But, I did. I said -er, still saying- goodbye to that life. The crazy, awesome, hard, beautiful life that I lived for almost three years. Life will never be like that again! I know it sounds dramatic... and I don't really mean for it to be like that. But, it is very true. That life that I was living will never be lived that way again!

And that only means one thing.

A new way to live it. A new chapter. A new beginning.

And I am SO freaking excited. :)

I am back in DC! I am back to where some of the biggest changes of my life happened! I am back for my dream job. WHAT?

Not many people can say that they have moved to pursue their dream job. This blessing is not lost on me. The timing of everything is not lost on me. God is so good and wonderful and awesome. I am undeserving of all of this amazing-ness. Yet, it's happening... and I am trying to keep up!

It's surreal to be back. To drive around and visit my old churches, places I lived, etc. It's just weird. I was such a different person when I lived here before. How many people get a chance to learn and grow and change away from their favorite place, and then come back to live life there again?!

Not many, I'd say.

I am so humbled and thankful and grateful for this chance. To continue to learn and grow. To rediscover my beloved city all over again. To meet knew people. To try new things.

I am still so much in awe of how amazing our Lord is. The more I let my walls down and trust Him, the more at peace I feel about life. Crazy, huh? My ultimate life goal?! To meet Him face to face in Heaven. I hope and pray that everything I do leads me closer to Him. The peace that I feel has only come from truly believing that I am made for more than this world has to offer. More than my job. More than my vocation. More than the frustrations. More than the sadness.

He is more. And I am more.

Perpetual Adoration
St. Agnes, Arlington, VA

I trusted God when I decided to leave Florida and my life there, just as I am putting my trust in Him now. To comfort me during the moments of sadness and prepare me to do my best for this new job/life!

A goodbye does not mean "the end." Something new, different, maybe even better, has to come along. Goodbyes force us to look beyond where we are currently to help propel us forward. To step out in faith. To trust more fully. To throw our hands up in the air and say, "Ok, God... you got this."

I am allowing myself to be both sad AND excited. That's just how it is right now.

Eventually there will be a new normal.
I will get some hugs from my friends.
I will get some snuggles from the best little goddaughter.
I will make new friends and find community.
I will be busy (and stressed!) with all the things that come with a new job.

And life will be... my life.

And it will be awesome! :)

National Shrine in DC
Shoutout to this girl for all that she did for me to actually move up here.
More on that soon, I am sure.


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4 comments :

  1. Can't wait to catch up with you again!! :)

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  2. Can't wait to catch up with you again!! :)

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  3. Thanks for sharing this, Jen! I've moved across the country twice in the past few years, and it's always bittersweet—to leave behind the comfortable life and friends from before, but also to have a new, exciting adventure ahead. It's hard to trust God in those moments when you can't quite picture what your new life in this new place will look like, but it's also so freeing! Good luck with everything :)

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  4. There are lots of reasons to be both sad and excited with a move like yours. We've done it lots of times. I don't know if I'd have been able to do it, though, without knowing God was there with me. Enjoy being back in DC!

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