I told myself I would write something today.
It's been a while. I miss this space. I miss this time of reflection. I have been teeeeerrrrrrrible about self care for the better part of this last year. And this writing. I think it will help. I am out of practice. I am getting distracted. Do I really have anything worth saying?
Who cares? I am here. Writing. And it feels good.
So... my mom went back home last night. She was here for 10 days. TEN DAYS!
It was the longest we had spent together for a long time... it was both a long and very quick trip.
There is so much that I could talk about. From the house drama that she dove head first into. To me still having to work and not actually seeing her very much. To the enjoyment we both had just being around each other again.
We both miss that. More on some days than others.
But, what struck me most about this time with my momma... is her absolute love for me. I mean, for real. Her flexibility and sacrifice of doing things she wanted or what she preferred... all for me. All while I am freaking out about the next house thing, or stressing about work stuff, or sharing some things that are difficult to share.
It's really something that I take for granted... ya know? A mother's love. Her willingness to sacrifice and do all the things... just for her kid. I know my momma loves me. I know she wants to do these things for me. But, it just seems so one sided.
How can I ever really, truly make it known to her that I do notice. That I do appreciate all the things. That my life wouldn't be as full without her love and sacrifice.
This isn't to say that we never get on each others' nerves. Agree on everything. Words hurt sometimes, ya know? We have both felt them over the years. As much as we would maybe not like to admit, we are very similar in many ways. We tend to take things personally, are emotional about many things and need time to process when we are feeling hurt or aren't seeing where the other is coming from. As we both have gotten older, we have learned -through some tears, some yelling, some silence- how to talk with more love. Reminders to not take things personally. Apologies. And hugs.
I am just so grateful to my momma. For her love. For her words of wisdom and advice. Even when I don't feel like hearing it OR feel like it fully applies to me life. :) For her hugs. For her silliness. For her desire to want her kid to be living her to the fullest.
I love you, Mom. Thank you for being you. And hanging out. And making me buy all the things for my place to make it my home. ;)