Enough


Here I am. Sitting in my beloved yellow chair.

Getting ready for a new week, when I feel like the last week just flew and I have nothing to account for it.

I spent the majority of this last week going from work to the hospital to home. My grandmother was getting checked out for a little passing out episode. She finally made it home and I spent the weekend at my grandparents' house.

It's never easy to have a family member in the hospital (no matter how serious the situation is), and then being the medical person in the family always adds another layer of being "on."

Amongst all of that... I find myself wondering if I have done enough for my grandparents. For my family. Yes, I was present... but was I really giving of myself? Should I have been more compassionate and joyful?

The last few of my therapy sessions have been about the truth of me being good enough.
Me.
Just as I am.

It's a constant struggle for me. It's one thing to know I am good enough. But, it's another to believe I am good enough. To allow that truth to penetrate my thoughts and actions and whole life.

I have mentioned this many times throughout this blog... I am living a life that I didn't exactly think I would be living. Yet, this is the life that the Lord is calling me to live right now. Isn't that good enough? Isn't this life good enough?

See what's happening here? After a nudge from a friend (and the Holy Spirit), I have decided that this 32nd year of my life, I will focus on the concept of "enough." In all aspects of my life. I have never been a word for person- ya know, those people that feel a pull towards a word and it becomes their theme for the year- but, there is no denying that I must work on this.

Believing that I am enough.
That I am doing enough (for me, for others, for work, etc).
That the Lord's will is enough for me.

I am hopeful that I am retrain my thoughts and feelings so that it's easy to see and believe this Truth.

Are you a word person?
How do you retrain your thoughts?


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3 comments :

  1. It's like you read my mind and wrote it all down. Different situation but same feeling. Am I enough?

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  2. Oh man, YES. You are absolutely right about that difference between intellectually knowing you are enough vs. believing it and having that change your life. I had a coming-to moment with that a couple years ago. I was mad at God for not giving me what I wanted and also people in my life for hurting me. It wasn't a magic moment, but it was the silent part of a retreat. The only place I found meaning in that all was in the cross. So I spent around 6 hours in adoration that day just trying to be open to God's love. I finally was able to forgive the people. I was reading an intro to TOB book and felt like I "got" the concept of love being about giving and sacrifice, not getting exactly what I wanted. I finally could look at the cross and realize that Jesus already DID give me everything I need. Gosh, it's hard to describe, but life has never been the same. I am so glad you are reminded that you are enough. It's too easy to forget. I'm not really a word of the year person, but yours is great!

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  3. "It's one thing to know I am good enough. But, it's another to believe I am good enough." - This, seriously I was thinking along those lines just last week.

    I trying to be a word person, my word this year gratitude, I think it's going well. I totally fizzled last year. I'm going for tangible this year by keeping a daily gratitude journal where I write at least three things I'm grateful for from the day. After a sucky day it helps sometimes.

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