It's ok to be sad sometimes.

There was a time when I would write and talk about the single life so much. I mean, I even helped found the Not Alone Series (anyone still around from those days?! Haha... jk. I'm just being dramatic), which was completely dedicated to all things single life, from the Catholic lady's perspective.

It still exists, just not in blog form. We have a private FB group, that Laura is still keeping alive (God bless you). And there are still single ladies.

Blogging is funny. The internet is funny. The need for the community that we established is still so very needed, but it's really hard to sustain because, well, life. Ladies get married. There are other priorities. Plus, in today's social media world, it takes some serious effort and planning to maintain a community that wants to encourage, inspire and build up the kingdom of God with an ever transient group of people.

Yet. I miss it. When I was in the throws of loneliness and depression in FL, NAS was a rock for me. I am so thankful to the women that I met, the love that we shared and the memories that we created.

No, this is not an announcement that I am reviving the old Series back. It's just more of a digression from the main topic I had on my heart to share. Which is:

It's ok to be sad about NOT being married.

Recently, I have been a bit bummed. It's not uncommon for me to feel a little off and out of sorts every so often, it's just part of my ebbing and flowing of depression. Yet, this time I realized it was very specific. I was bummed about not being married.

Typically when I realize I am sad about it, I am veryvery quick to push it away. Think about something else. Drown out my thoughts with something mindless (ie social media). Tell myself that this is not how a vibrant, "living in the now" Catholic lady lives!

Oy. So healthy, right? Hey, I am a work in progress.

This time, however. I allowed myself to be sad. I have a habit of pushing away sadness or hurt (not typically frustration/anger, however... just being honest up in here), in the name of "it's not that serious," "who really cares?" "people are dealing with some way more serious stuff," etc. etc. And specifically with the single life, I do it in the same of "this is not how I am supposed to be as a 'joyful, striving-for-holiness, living in the moment single Catholic woman!'"

No.
Lies.

It is not fair for me to minimize my struggles and pain. Yes, people are going through their own things. Some far more scarier or more difficult or whatever. But, that does not in any way negate my own struggle. Or yours.

Nor, does striving to live an authentic, joyful, Catholic life mean that sadness doesn't happen. That is preposterous, right?! Of course!! Struggles, sadness, grief, pain, etc are just part of life. Period.

And when you feel so deeply in your heart that marriage is part of the plan and it hasn't happened yet (I hope!)... it's a bummer. It's sad.

I am sad that I am not married yet. I am sad that marriage isn't part of my story yet.

Somehow I had an unrealistic expectation for myself that was influenced by this blog and the Series. I subconsciously told myself that I had to have it all together! I had to show everyone that I was living "in the now!" That my life was awesome as a single person! That I loooooved being single!

*chuckle chuckle*

In reality, I didn't have it all together, I am SURE that anyone could have told you that. But, sometimes your mind (and the devil) do tricky things. I don't have it all together. Sometimes, I'm sad. Some days I hate being single. Dating is exhausting. Etc. etc.

So... I was kind of off my game for a few days. I felt far from God. I mean, hello, why would I reach out to the Lord with all of this?! (please note sarcasm) Blah. But, I acknowledged my sadness. I named it. I journaled. And then I went to adoration. Jesus and I had a good chat. I may have been a bit sassy. I was just keeping it real with Him. He gets me.

Instantaneously I felt lighter. I felt a sense of peace. I was able to walk with a little extra skip in my step. And then I literally bumped into this cute guy...

JUST KIDDING.

No. I honestly didn't feel much different right after my prayer time. But, I have since felt the fruit from it. My sense of peace is increasing. And there are no boys in the picture. That would have been idyllic, and I realize that happens for some people, but I would say that for most of us, the lightening bolt God moments don't happen. Life is filled with more small, quiet "a ha" moments of grace.

And it's just as beautiful and breathtaking if you let it be.

Not sure how to wrap up here, but to say... if you are sad about not being where you desire to be (whatever it is for you), then be sad. Acknowledge it. Name it. But don't stay there. Give it to the Lord. Do something that brings you joy. Surround yourself with the people that love you. Allow God to remind you that you are, without a doubt, a wonderful, beautiful, worthy, beloved daughter of His.

Please pray for me, and know of my prayers for you.
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4 comments :

  1. Praying for you and all the #notaloneseries girls. I'm married now but I vowed to always remember and pray for my single friends forever. This community really helped me as a single person and helped me write about my feelings and get it out of my system.

    It's so hard out there as a single person. SO HARD. And dating is exhausting (especially for introverts)! I hate talking about myself and divulging too much or not enough and then you have the awkward silences.

    I still struggle with sadness and grief about other things in my life and often think I'm alone or there is something wrong with me. Or my husband tries to fix everything and gets annoyed when I'm upset and I'm always like sometimes I'm just sad and it can't be fixed and it's life...things get better and we move on.

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  2. Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection! I love your words of wisdom here. It reminds me of something I heard in a podcast with a Christian mental health professional recently, where she pointed out that in the Gospels when Lazarus died, Jesus wept. He KNEW that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but even so He still allowed himself to experience the sadness and grief of losing His friend. I had never heard anyone give quite a take on this biblical passage, and I think it's good to keep in mind.

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  3. Thank you for such honest writing!! I really enjoyed reading this and I really appreciate that you started the Not Alone Series. What a great idea. How true -- none of us are alone! And yet it can feel that way so much of the time. I appreciate your honesty in writing, thank you for being the voice that us girls at this time in our lives can connect and resonate with. -Susanne

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  4. prayers will be going up from England for you today that the sad times are few and the joyful times many; lots of love to you

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