Real talk- therapy

Let me talk to you all about something.

The raw and real about therapy.

As much as I love it... and as much as I have been changed because of it...

it drives me NUTS sometimes.

It will be 2 years next month. TWO.

TWO YEARS.

Ugh. The almost weekly phone calls. The energy it takes to talk about "what that means to me." The seemingly "pointless" exercises. The crying. The assignments each week. (The not always doing the assignments each week.) The exhaustion.

Sometimes feeling like nothing is happening. I've stalled. My therapist pushes- and nothing.

Will I be doing this for the rest of my life?

Don't get me wrong. My therapist is amazing. He is so d*** good at what he does. I am often taken aback at what he gets out of me, sometimes verylittle of anything, during our sessions. All on the phone, mind you.

But, do I really want to be talking to him for the rest of my life? Do I?

Hmph. For right now... I guess I do. This is how it is. This is what I need to do. God is still working on my heart. My heart still needs some softening. He still has things he wants me to learn.

Like- how the devil can be so far, deep seated into our thoughts that we may not even realize it. It's terrifying. The lies we believe about ourselves (or maybe others or about life) can become so habitual, so normal, that you never think twice about them.

That's what the devil does.

By the grace of God, the Light is shining on those darkened areas. Areas I didn't even realize were dark. How beautiful is that?

So, do I always want to be talking to my therapist? Nope, not at all.
But, I will.
Because the devil hates it.
And I love God.
God always wins.

Just keep swimming, guys. Seriously.

Here's to 2016!

It's 2016! Crazy.

I asked my grandfather this morning, "when you were young did you ever think you would see life in 2016??" Being born in 1926, when the life expectancy was maybe in the 60s... being almost 90 and still kicking in 2016 must be nuts. He said, "I never even thought about it," while smiling as if to think back about his life over the years.

In his almost 90 years, the world has changed so very much. I'm sure almost every year there was just something so new. So different. Sometimes scary, but hopefully exciting!

That part of life doesn't change. Each new year brings about something new. And with it- Hope. Anticipation. Excitement.

As 2015 was winding down for me this year, I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't doing anything fun to ring in 2016. I mean, I've never been a HUGE NYE person, but still! Anyway, I got over myself and just decided that I was going to binge watch some Gilmore Girls and then ring the year quietly. In prayer.

And that's what I did.

It was perfect. I needed that time. The coloring (so fun!). Singing along with Matt Maher and Audrey Assad at the One Thing prayer conference. Thinking about how amazing 2015 was and how much hope, anticipation and excitement I have for 2016.

We had the BEST time together! :)

The last half of 2015 was a whirlwind of change and transition. So much good. So much peace. But, so much exhaustion. Ha! The last few weeks were even crazier. With an early Christmas with my momma, running around getting all the last minute Christmas things done and traveling to be with my beloved Oram family for actual Christmas AND working, of course -- I was spent. And woke up this morning with a little cold to prove it. So yes... new year? SO happy you are here!!

My heart was SO full being
together again!

This is what I am looking forward to in 2016:

• More prayer.
• A better routine.
• A place of my own.
• Traveling
• Lots and lots of love to give and receive.

In one of the reflections Matt (Maher) gave, he said something about not knowing everything, but knowing the One who does. I don't have all the answers. I have no idea how my life will continue to unfold, nor do I really have any idea what 2016 will offer. I am still an imperfect daughter of our Lord, and I know that he is Love. When I fail to love well or be the person He wants me to be or am struggling, He is still there.

My biggest hope and prayer for you today, is that you can experience the abundance of Love you have in your life. Sure, you may have to dig a little, but keep trying. You may be surprised just where you find Love.

Know of my prayers! 

Here's to 2016!

Love and blessings,